One of the Last Taboos-Mental Health

*Trigger warning-Swearing, mental health issues in this post*

This post has been a long time coming. If anyone who follows the blog knows that there has been a lack of updates and a huge delay in posts. This is not a post about 'how busy I've been' or 'there hasn't been enough time'. Not this time, this is more serious.

About a year ago, I had some terrible shit happen to me. I thought I was ok, I was starting a business with my friends, I was living with my boyfriend who I dearly care about, I was gyming it and I was happy. At least, I thought I was. However, I was living on a very fine line. A line that I didn't know I was on. 

I was on the edge, and then, I got my final push from the friend that I was meant to start the business with. I won't go into details of why she decided to end the whole thing, because if I told you her reasons, you would cringe. I will not go down that road of petty bitchy-ness as I'm not like that and will not go down to that level. 

The long process of fighting over the name of the business, insurance, ownership, everything, ensued thereafter. I was lucky enough to help legal help and I got professionally drawn up letters and emails. While I received bitter, unprofessional emails and texts.

In those few difficult months, panic attacks started. I was awake at night, worrying about everything. My safety, my career, reputation. I carried on like it everything was fine. While I was harassed every which way.

I think that, I took a brave step, a step that most people do not even bother with because its still a taboo. I went to the doctors, and was diagnosed with anxiety. Finally after all these years, it had a name! I wasn't insane or mental, I had a thing!! It was such a huge weight off me. It was only in those last few troublesome months, that it began to manifest itself into an ugly anxiety monster that reared its head into my life.

More people suffer with depression and anxiety, yet nothing is ever said because it is still not fully understood. 1 in 6 people (in the UK) will suffer with depression once in their lifes and yet its still a little 'awkward' to talk about. So here I am, being awkward, by talking about it now. I am not crazy, mental or insane. I have anxiety. I decided to to start Cognitive Behavioural Therapy rather then going onto tablets. I was approached with kind, helpful people who didn't judge me, as they knew better. So months later, I'm better, still on the road to recovery. The anxiety monster that loomed, is getting pushed back by 'Old Penny'. Which I'm getting back into.

I'm lucky to have support from a family who now understand (thank you), I have some support from co-workers who took the time to listen (thank you), I've got some fucking fantastic friends which I cannot thank enough for chatting about everything and lastly, my boyfriend Rob. He went through it all with me and could not do a thing about it. At the time, he just sat and listened. He saw me suffering and tried hard to help. He cried with me, got frustrated at me and ate all the chocolate with me. One day he told me that there maybe something more to it and suggested I seek professional help. Without him, I don't think I would have the strength to ask for help. Don't worry, I made him some cookies as thanks.

To those who helped and you know who you are. I'll always be grateful to all of you, so I'll be forever baking to say thank you. Which I don't mind. 

I'm not really sure how to finish this really. I'm not a doctor that can give you advice. I can't do a 'Top Ten Tips' for this, its ongoing. Mental health is still be researched and we've only begun to scratch the surface. The only advice, (if you can call it that), that I can offer is: be kind. If someone is reaching out by telling you that they think they maybe suffering from an mental illness. Listen and rather than suggesting to 'cheer up', suggest that they go to a professional. Be kind to others around you and you might make someone's day a little brighter. That's all really. If you take away anything from this, is that hope is not lost. There is help out there, please speak up about it. 

If you feel that you or someone you love is suffering with anxiety, (or depression) don't be afraid to reach out for help and come forward. There are people who can help, you just need to ask. 

Thanks for taking the time to read this and share with anyone who may benefit from it. 

University. To go? Not to Go? That Debate.

This post has been a long time coming and was inspired by the chat I had with a friend at college. People are often surprised when I inform them I've graduated university with a BA in Hospitality, and how I decided to go back to college. Yes, I've done my years and I am richer for the experience.

But I'll let you in on a secret, I did not go to university for the right reasons. My decision was prompted not because I was unsure what to do with myself, or because I'm super passionate about business and cooking.

It was to prove a point. I can admit that now.

I felt that I had to prove to the world, that I could do the university thing. That I could make it through the studying and come out with a great achievement. I did it to prove to myself that I could get through to the other side.
That sounds very shallow and yeah, it is. But that was my thinking at the time. Even though I did perhaps go for the wrong reasons, I came out learning the right life lessons:

• I came out learning more about business, including how much fodder human resources can be at times.
• I have learnt that when working as a group there will always be one member, at least one, who does nothing and will still get the same credit for you and your groups hard work. They know who they are and the fact is, they don't give a crap. Try to deal with it maturely. People like this will confront you in all aspects of life and will always get found out in the end. Trust me, they get hated for it and people will purposely avoid them because of this trait.
• I've met lots of people, but only a select few you stay with you in your heart.
• I've drunk some ridiculous concoctions at uni. End of.
• I learnt that my goal is to open my own business, doing what I love (which is baking and cooking...duh...).
• Balancing a job and university work is bloody hard. But really shows to future employers that you can manage your time well. Oh and the extra money isn't that bad either.  
• I learnt to open up my heart again, starting dating and so, fell in love. (3 and 1/2 years later, we're still in love. Awww.... ok Chick flick moment over).  

I have learnt more than I can list. It was all thanks to that shallow decision that turned my life into something positive. That's my rhyme and reason for going to university. I'm so grateful that I went to uni and that the whole experience was worth it, hard, but worth it.

So to go? Not to go? Its a big decision for everyone. With tuition fees higher then ever and employers not hiring graduates because their 'too over qualified', its made the decision even harder. The fees were at a high set price when I applied and so ,it was a natural move. Now students have to pay crazy fees that will be with them for a long portion of their lives. Its not a light decision to make, so I've rounded up some of my friends and family thoughts and feelings on going/not going to uni. These are REAL responses from REAL people, that I REALLY know... REALLY!:

Leanne's advice: "Join a club and meet people!"

Dan (didn't want to go to uni): "Cause I is thick as f**k" 
I dig your honesty Dan.

"Mad" Max's advice (went to uni): "Go on a place and meet people"

Chloe B (Didn't want to go to uni): "I'm too stupid. Being deado serious here."

Ann (Never had the chance to go to uni): "I never had the chance to go to university. I was never good enough. My family was more important to me. I still stand by that decision."

Rob (Uni goer and still studying): "I went for a fresh start and to enhance my career." and his advice: "If something is offered to you. Give it a go. I'll never play OctoPush again, but I gave it a go."

Claudiu's (went to uni) advice: "Experience life abroad and meet people."

Chloe C (Studying at the moment): "University is the best experience of my life! Eyeryone should go! (And at college I never wanted to) so I'm a complete convert."

Emma (Studying at uni too): "I would say don't go just because you feel you have to...if you can find an apprenticeship/internship in the field you want to go into that would ideally be better and cost less. [University]...has been stressful at the start... but starting to settle in now and enjoy it more...but still wish I was more active in looking at other options." Her advice: "Be prepared for people who bullshit...A LOT. Not everyone is sane."

I want to thank all of you who contributed and helped me write this article. I hope this post has raised a point with some readers and has made you think.
Did you go to uni? What advice have you got? Why didn't you go to uni? Let me know what you think

10 Bits of Advice to Think About During Revison

I'm smack right in the middle of revising for my final ever exams and it sucks. 

I (hopefully), will never have to take an nail biting, sleep depriving and nerve racking exam again. Or at least I don't plan too after these final university exams! I was doodling on my revision book I was studying extremely hard, when I got to a point when I thought: 

"Sod it. I can't take in anymore rubbish about critiquing a 'Blue Ocean Strategy'. 

That's where the inspiration for this post popped up. Revision sucks. We all know it. It bloody well sucks! It can cause the most calmest to freak out, but sadly, it has to be done. In fact this post is dedicated to all those people who are revising and studying hard (or at least pretending to) with my own tips to getting through this stupidly hard and annoying time. 

1. Don't waste your time with revision timetables. You'll waste time making them and you'll feel bad for not following it. Don't waste precious study time on what you should be studying on Monday between 11am-1pm. Just get studying!

2. Eat and stay hydrated! I can't tell you how many times I've been in the 'study zone' and haven't had a drink for about 4 hours. DONT LET THIS HAPPEN! You need to eat. You need to drink. Your brain can't work if its not fuelled. So fuel it when needed.

3. Distractions will find you. Oh I've got to clean my room before I can start revision... I can't work without my highlighters being a straight line. We all have an excuse not to revise but try to push past it.

4. Worrying will not get you anywhere. It won't get you high marks, so try and stay calm and focused. 

5. Have a support network. If you've got friends who are willing to do a study session or revise together then use this opportunity. Your weaknesses in a subject might be a friends strength and visa versa. 

6. Give yourself a break. If your brain has stop taking information in then you are allowed a break. Might I suggest baking these amazing Salted Caramel Brownies for ideal snack during revision?

7. Set a stop time. Whether its after you've finished a topic or at a certain time make an agreement with yourself to stop. 

8. Make a check-list for exam day and pack the night before. So that you don't forget anything- That means your stationary, student I.D etc. With details where you need to be on the day and at the right time. Nothing worse then turning up on the wrong day. This will also put your mind at rest the night before.  

9. Don't bother comparing with others. You can only do the best you can do. When you start comparing with friends and classmates, it will add to the pressure of the exam and who needs that when your trying to figure out the difference between Discourse Lens and Experience Lens in that first exam you've got?

10. Aim for that goal. Having something to look forward to after the exam period is done and over-with. Whether it's a holiday or a meal with friends. 

I hope that this has helped dealing with exams. If this hasn't helped then just think in a month this will all be over and done with!

and remember:

Good luck to everyone doing exams! (including myself yikes!)