6 Things Not to Say to Someone who has Anxiety &/or Depression

Sorry about not posting anything last week, I had a bit of a health scare and wasn't able to bake/work/sleep very well/eat all the chocolate/post on this blog. So here's a little bonus post to make up for last week.

This post highlights some of the cringy statements that I have been asked about my mental health. So to inform and educate others I'm listing my favourites here. These are totally real and have been asked by strangers and former friends. Let's get to it. 

1) "Oh I was depressed once, but I got over it."

I've had this said to me and I was speechless. Instead of standing up for myself or questioning it, I took it on the chin. This is a very insulting thing to say to someone who is going through depression. Let's face it you didn't have depression as a suffer has, you might have been a bit down or sad at one point, but your mood improved and it passed. Depression is, sadly, constant and something you don't 'get over' in an instant.

2) "Do you rock back and forth when you have a panic attack?"

Erm no. People who have panic or anxiety attacks act differently. But assuming that an attack is sitting in the corner, rocking back and forth, is ignorant and far from the truth. It completely depends on the person. In my case, I hyperventilate, I shiver and will not allow anyone to touch me or attempt to calm me down until I feel calmer and more grounded.

3)"So you aren't you worried about what people will think of you?"

All the damn time. Mental health is still something that most people do not like to talk about and it's not really discussed. With anxiety, you're always thinking about what others will think of you: "Are they watching? They are watching. So don't fuck up. Keep it together for a bit and don't panic." Depression can get to a point where nothing matters but you still don't want people to think you 'can't cope'  with daily life. 

4)"You'll never hold down a job/relationship/friendship. It will stay on record for the rest of your life."

Sorry what? What record? My permanent record? Most strangers have their own problems to worry about, let alone your mental health. You don't need to advertise your mental health, unless you feel you want or need too. Your employer can't fire you, your true friends will stand by you and most families will understand. Most people are a little more informed now, so they should be understanding. Saying that some people still are pretty ignorant/stupid/stuck in the past or want to be hurtful. Ignore the idiots and pay them no more attention or energy. 

5)"Can you not snap out of it?"

Can you snap out of a cold? No. It's the same with any mental health problem. Just because you can't see it, does not mean that it's not there.

6) "It's not a real health problem."

I have a few choice words for anyone who says this. But let's keep this clean shall we? Walk away from any idiot who says this. They need to be educated more, you can attempt to give them information about mental health but, more often then not, they are stuck in their old way of thinking and it is a pointless endeavour. 

Remember people who suffer with any mental health issues need support, not doubtful statements which may cause more harm than good. Examples of the above statements can cause suffers not to communicate effectively and be hesitant to reach out to others. So listen, be respectful and support any ways you can.  

Happy Day Challenge Day 2-Abbie's Note

This is the second day of the 100 happy days challenge and it was this note that caused me to smile.
The note in question was left by a work college called Abbie left this note saying that anyone who was in the shop don't forget to reprice the stock and take down all the Christmas decorations but she wrote:

Please carry on repriceing!
Done loads today!
I'm frazzled hunnays
Keep it real like Ian beil and take down more Xmas decs if there are any lol!

love Bunny (Abbie) xxx loves ya!
If you knew how sweet and funny Abbie is, then you'd see how funny it is. Thanks for the day-brightening note Abbie! 

Life lesson, Job hunting, Motivation and Inspiration.

Its funny how inspiration hits you just at the right time.

I know its been awhile since I've posted but I've been in between moving from London, back to the Isle of Wight. Its been hard because I'm leaving my friends and family behind along with my crazy work colleagues which are always a pleasure to work with.
You guys made the day go so much faster with laughter and jokes. I really looked forward to work because you were there to make the day brighter.

So about the inspiration thing. I believe in signs all around us (not the film or aliens or those crop circle things). We're often so absorbed in our mobile phones or getting from one place to the other, that we don't take the time to notice the signs that the universe has to give us. 

I'm blah blah blahing about this because I've had 2 weeks of learning about how life's little signs can inspire and motivate.

To start with 2 weeks ago, I had an interview for a bakery/coffee shop/cool vintage shop and I was successful! So that interview turned into a trail shift and for 6 and 1/2 hours I worked to the best of my abilities. The job was making coffees, teas, serving customers and a little baking. Baking was the magic word for me! 

I really enjoyed the trail shift and the owners were pleasant to work with. When asking for feedback they said: "We'll email you with the details by the end of next week."

One week and 3 days went by and still nothing. That week was the longest week in the world. I was waiting for what seemed like an eternity. Anyone who has been through the job waiting process, it's not a nice one is it?  

So I thought that I would email to say that I was going to drop by if she wasn't too busy, I thought that it would should that I'm really keen and enthusiastic. No Reply 

The very next day I went for it, I went into the bakery/coffee shop/cool vintage shop so that I could stop being in limbo. 

I go in, and before I can even finish my "Hello, How are you?"

The owner said: "I'll email you next week, Penny. We've been busy." 

Thrown off and deflated, I muttered "Oh ok. I'll hear from you when you get the chance. Thanks and see you soon."

I walked away flat and very unwanted. 

Now I'm not going to be so unprofessional that I'm going to name the place. But I do feel that it was unprofessional, that I didn't get an honest direct answer. It's bad business sense to mess people around about like that. If I wasn't good enough for the job: Tell me in an email, on the phone or even when I finished my trail shift. But I suppose that's the way life goes sometimes, they got a free day's work out of me and I got a life lesson: If it's too good to be true, often it is.

Moving back to now, I've been CV-ing it to many places on the IOW trying to lick my wounds and determined to find a summer job. I have had another 2 interviews, 1 trail shift and another trail shift to come. I got a job- Hold your yay's and congratulations. I started out doing the trail shift and I'm not sure what happened because all of a sudden, I got drafted. Officially I got the job, but I don't want to sound ungrateful but it was a huge step down for me. I so desperately wanted to learn new skills in baking or learn something completely different. 

So now I'm at the next hurdle. I'm stuck in a job that I've done before, using none of my epic baking skills and is making me- unhappy and very flat. (That btw is a great title for a TV show. EPIC BAKING SKILLS!) 

Ok, after that long story, I'm coming back to the motivation and inspiration thing. See I told you it was linked in there didn't I? I went out in the blazing sunshine for a drive, on my day off my drafted work and was contemplating what to do. I was having a mental argument with myself!

Should I jack this job in? 

That means no money coming in for 6 weeks. 

That's true. Better stick with it. 

But it's doing nothing for your career, it's the same job but with different people. What about your amazing pastry dream?

Also true, Ok I'm done with it! It's not making me happy so that's the end of it!

But that means you've failed in sticking down a proper job. What's wrong with you? You're an absolute failure. 

Now this is where I nearly chocked, failure is not a word I get along with. In fact the meaning and word makes my toes curl with rage. I don't flop, I fail. I don't mess up, I fail. I don't make mistakes, I fail. 

That's one of my biggest downfalls, being too hard on myself. Of course, I make mistakes and yes I do mess it up, everyone does. That's what makes us human. 

My first sign came in the form of an already read email from Cheryl who writes Make Me Joyful, which I accidentally got up on my mobile. The line that struck me was this:

"Persistently dwelling on the disappointments or the frustrations or the things we lack won't give us the happiness that we seek."

I chose to ignore this as I was still fretting what to do, or what people will think of me and about a thought away from complete and utter panic. 

The second sign, I had to stop off in a couple of touristy shops with the guests I have staying over and one lady in a flower shop was happily busying herself when I commented on how lovely the shop was. She replied:

"It's hard work and the hours can be bothersome at times. But it's my pride and brings me so much joy that I can't think of any better job."

The shop was her's and she  worked on her own and is trying to build her flower shop from the ground up and I tell you what, it was like lightening struck me. This little voice in my head perked up finally and went:

Is what your doing at this job, this second, right now, making you happy?

Well, no.

Then fix it.

See it's funny how inspiration can hit you at the most funniest of times. I think my next little life lesson is: Try taking a step back to observe the big picture to catch those signs. 

For now folks, I'm going to have to posted on my next move.

Bake On!

The Valentines Rant!

Ok it's not really a baking post but I wanted to make my opinion clear.
On T.V, social media and shop windows are covered in red decorations as Valentines day is approaching. I see people around me getting really excited about Valentines day but to be honest I can't see why.
I have very mixed feeling about Valentines day, I mean, its nice to see shop windows wonderfully decorated and its a fab excuse to make heart shaped biscuits (I'm hoping to make those this weekend). Also to consume a silly amount of romantic based food such as white chocolate popcorn. Not that I need a good excuse. 

Vanilla cupcakes decorated by me.

But I also have a problem with it.

The issue I have is that, why on the 14th of February is the only day that couples get be romantic and show their feelings through tacky cards and teddy bears? 
Surely, if you really are in love with someone shouldn't everyday be like Valentines day? Or if you want to make someone feel really special then maybe its worth reminding them how special they are?

Image from. The Guardian Official Website.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/cifamerica/2011/feb/09/gender-women

Fellas, I feel sorry for you. I truly do. If you forget the day in question. Your are in so much trouble that you get ignored for 2 days. You are put under some serious pressure on Valentines that it becomes a joke. 
Your girlfriend says: "That's ok you don't need to get me anything. It's just a stupid day." 
and you think: "Phew! Pressure is off!"
But when the 14th comes around.... and she looks at you expectingly. "Well? Where's my Valentine present?!"
"Oh crap..."
Yet if you did get her something just in case she says: "Why did you get me something? I told you not too. I didn't get you anything! Now you've made me feel guilty! Thanks a lot for ruining Valentines day!"

Image from the Vancouver Observer Official Website
http://www.vancouverobserver.com/blogs/girls/2012/02/01/bad-romance-bracing-un-romantic-valentines-day

Girls. Take the pressure off. Seriously. It's not lady-like to scream at your other half because he didn't get the right chocolates. 
Also, don't be silly in getting him a red teddy bear that says: "I wuv you." on the heart. I don't think he'll like it as much as you do.

Girls, especially, expect gifts because its Valentines. Now it's escalated from silly gifts to weekends away and 5 star fancy dinners. All these things are lovely. But it shouldn't just be for Valentines. It's not a contest between you and friends who got the best Valentines. Be grateful that you have someone to share it with!

Who doesn't want to go away for a romantic weekend? It's a sweet gesture and it's very romantic being whisked away for a mini break but it doesn't just have to be for Valentines day. It should be because, as a couple, you're in love and you don't need a special date to show each other how much you really care about each other. Even mundane things that we all take for granted like, making your partner a cup of tea, just the way they like it (Strong-ish, with milk and one tsp small sugar) is one of those things that show that you love them everyday. Even a random text or surprise phone call, taking the time to really chat. The smallest gesture can show that you truly care. 

Take it from someone who knows. While you maybe seeing your girlfriend or boyfriend all the time and saying "We never do anything romantic!" Be happy that you're with your loved one! I know people who are worlds away from their partners. Including myself. I wish I could see my boyfriend everyday but at this moment in time we can't always be together (lack of money, studying and work are all serious relationship killers). Does it stop us from seeing each other? No, we text, phone and Skype. Do we miss each other? Well duh all the time! Does it put a strain on our relationship? Yeah it can, but you know what? We are one of those deliriously in love couple and we appreciate the time we spend together and when we part, we're more in love then before. That's what everyday should be about. Not just Valentines!

Look, what I trying to get across is that whatever you get on Valentines day is great, but look beyond that day. As it is just that, just a day. I'm not coming down on people who like Valentines or trying to ruin peoples day, that is not my intention. (So no silly comments such as OMG u ha8 luv') Because, lets face it, those valentine chocolates need to eaten by someone! What I'm trying to say is that: Don't focus on where you go or what you get. Focus on spending the time with the person you love the most. 

Whatever you do, Wherever you go and whoever you spend it with. Make sure that it's someone who's just as special as you are. 

Bake On! and Have a Great Valentines Day

(My own artwork that I did in high school. Don't steal ;p)

Penny